The Girl Who Travels vs The Girl Who Loves To Travel

A recent blog post, Don't Date A Girl Who Travels, posted on lovethesearch.com by Adi Zarsadias got quite some interesting traffic after sharing it via social media. What was most interesting were the comments, with many girls agreeing that this post was exactly what girls who travel are like and with guys and a couple of girls stating that it made the girl look too carefree or flakey.

To summarize the article, the author states men should not date girls who travel unless they can keep up with spontaneity and adventure. Among some beautiful sun-kissed descriptions about girls who travel were these hard-hitting ones: This type of girl may have wasted her degree, doesn't have a permanent address nor knows when her next paycheck will come in. You can see why girls who love to travel got upset at those descriptions. But in all honesty it's quite the accurate description of a girl who travels.

While I disagree with the term 'wasted' her degree, I think she transferred the skills of independent thinking, responsibility-for-self, continuous learning, etc.to any occupation.

A girl who travels - this is not someone who goes on two-week vacations. This is someone who is nervous yet excited about uprooting her life and moving away for a year, at least. She might be cherry-picking in Australia this year, cow-tipping in southern France next year and teaching English in Korea the year after that. Truly, she knows not when her next paycheck will come in nor who will be the one paying it.

A girl who travels - while you may think she's flakey because she may change jobs frequently and may not even have a job you consider a 'real job' - before you criticize her or even try to understand her, realize she is living in a different league from you - not better nor worse, just different. There's no point comparing her to mainstream girls who just have a love for travel and dream of travel but could never even entertain the thought of a total uproot, let alone a backpacking adventure in hostels for months on end. There's a reason she's a freelancer, it always allows her to jump - flake, according to some - at any adventure.

The reason she doesn't have a permanent residence is because she's so used to living in different countries, she can't guarantee she'll be in this one for much longer. Or, that she lives with family when she's back in her 'hometown' as she'll be on her next adventure in no time.

And yes, she may never need you, but she will want you. She's independent enough to not depend on a partner but knows a very deep love, you'd be lucky to experience. She'll give you your space and encourage you to be your own individual but continue to love you, no matter the distance. Neither of you will be limited in your own bucket-lists just because you're a "couple" now.

Yes, most women who love to travel do share similar appreciations of travel as women who travel. They both want to see the world, both may be willing to backpack, stay in hostels, experience local cultures and become aware of the good and not-so-good that a country has to offer.

We all have a little bit of the Woman Who Travels in us, but can rarely commit to it as well as she can.

Wearable Tech: The Age of Cool and Crazy but Companionless?

We’re heading into an age of wearable tech (see CES, a showcase on consumer electronics). If for some reason you still haven't heard of it, think USB necklaces, phone-charging bracelets, vibrating pants, GPS jackets, etc. Think Bond, James Bond. Wearable tech is technology that you can wear - hopefully fashionably. While it's a task in itself to design tech that can be worn on a person and is mobile all day, every day; it's even more cumbersome to make this technology fashionable, discrete and invisible.

As engineers and designers continue to collaborate to create items that will fill our lives in the near future, it's a clear sign that life is about to get busier. Who has time to call home and ask someone to turn off the dishwasher, just text your dishwasher to stop or repeat a cycle. Why ask a stranger for directions, instead wireless waves will tap you on the shoulder. Why waste time in a doctor's office around strangers, instead have an e-visit.

Yes, technology can and does make life more efficient, things happen much quicker and days go by much faster, but what's to say of how it will continue to shape our human interactive relationships with each other.

What's the impact wearable technology will have on relationships?

Instead of meeting up with people, we began to pick up the phone, and now we simply send out a 140 character message. When's the last time you laughed while typing out 'lol'? Why indulge in foreplay when I already caused your pants to vibrate at the bar for 20 minutes? Will we have more less-deeper connections? Or will be have cooler gadgets that will give us more in common to talk about? Will this create more ways for different groups to connect - like the vibrating pants club? Maybe tech is our way to connect now but don't forget to push forward for a more human connection - blog/post/click/like/share/snapchat/instagram your thoughts but also talk to your friends about it. 

People seem to be more connected yet less connected. Gadgets are cool, they make things previously impossible or too difficult, quick and easy. Hello, wearable medical gadgets, rather than being confined to a bed. And while quick and easy is great for some things - okay, maybe most things - it's not great for everything.No thank, food that can be consumed only in a pill form.

Once it becomes fashionable, it's made for the masses (see link on Barneys New York and CDFA's plans for collaboration with Intel). Fashion and tech will unite to affect our lives, as they always have. But when you wear a piece, don't forget to share it. Don't forget interpersonal connections. The increase in tech devices has increased everyone's number of acquaintances, but it's up to each individual to maintain if not increase their number of real friends.

Wearable tech means we'll be multi-tasking more often. Shoes that have an LED twitter feed will encourage wearers to tweet more at clubs (rather than enjoy the experience and interact with people?) and therefore to not just hold a drink, take a selfie, smile at the cute bartender but also to share it with the world. Aren't we already doing that? Yes, but if your shoes show you a constant twitter feed, aren't you constantly staring at it, reading people's tweets and feeling the urge to post?

Wearable tech would achieve its greatness in continuing to increase personal efficiency, being fashionable but also bringing people together. So far it's a sign that life's about to get busier and edgier, but hopefully not lonelier.

Upcoming event: Wearable Tech Expo

Finding the Perfect Bag is Like Finding the Perfect Man

The perfect bag, just like the perfect man, does not exist. Let me elaborate.

I've been on the hunt for the perfect bag for at least five years now. To no luck, every bag I've purchased has held my fancy for about six months at the most. While shopping for a bag, the pros are always at the forefront of my mind: the colour, the number of pockets, current trend and body fit (I'm petite;). This screening process however doesn't suffice three months (sometimes three weeks) into using the bag. I find that it's not big enough, too large, holds a lot but gets too heavy, rips or just doesn't suit as many outfits as I thought it would.

The bottom line is things change. What we look for changes from month to month or sometimes from week to week. Today, colour and trend may be most important with Fashion Week in progress. Last week, usability and practicality were priorities with the start of school semesters or work contracts. In a month, size and durability will matter when you're fully immersed in your school or work life and start bringing work home.

I've found favourite bags, clutches, purses and totes, but not the perfect one. Not one that I would use day in and day out nor use constantly years and years after purchase.

Just like our needs and wants for our perfect bag change, we change and so does what we want in that 'perfect man.' What you wanted him to consist of when you were 15 years old is different from when you are 18, 21, 25, 27, 30, 32, 35, etc. It's impossible to find the perfect man, who is everything that you want and need at every single point in life.

But maybe, just maybe, we aren't on the lookout for a perfect man after all. Maybe in this case, finding our favourite man is good enough. Just like our favourite bag that we'll never throw out and always keep, just because it's 'that' bag. It's got a trendy-ish colour, small when we need it to be and holds whatever we need to stuff in it when we need to and still somehow hasn’t ripped. Maybe being your favourite is all he needs to be. After all, that's the one bag that has made it with me through 10 years, and it still sits there waiting for whenever I need it.

Inhibition of Ambition

I've been feeling ancy lately.

Not sure why.

But unfulfilled.

Like something big is supposed to happen to me but it hasn't yet.

And I'm waiting.

Waiting for it to happen.

Waiting to know what it is.

This waiting has me irritated.

I can't enjoy moments because I keep thinking about this 'big thing'.

Wondering what it is.

Wondering if where I am currently and what I'm doing is a step in the right direction.

Is this bar I'm at or are these friends I'm with a waste of time?

Do I need to go home and reroute my life to get to this 'big thing'?

But I want to enjoy these moments.

Laughter. Jokes. Getting dressed up for silly occasions.

Maybe the 'big thing' can wait.

If it's going to happen, it will.

So why give up my current happiness for what will be future happiness.

It's an uneasy feeling so it's hard to shake off.

But maybe this bar, this guy, this job, are steps in the right direction.

If I make it so.

I either learn that I like it and enjoy it or that it's not for me.

Both put me in a better position and closer to the 'big thing'.

Maybe the 'big thing' is me.

And my every moment.

Maybe the big thing is just my ambition.

My consistent want for more, for better, for bigger.

But maybe it's my enjoyment of the current pleasures will aid rather than inhibit my ambitions for my future.

So maybe it's in contentment of every moment that I can find fuel for my ambition.

If you can't be happy now, chances are that you are sour and that taints your drive to your goals. Happiness, even in the smallest of circumstances puts a positive spin and helps fuel your drive to where you want to someday be.

"Forget me not." - New Year's Resolutions

With the end of week one most people have deemed themselves winners or losers of resolutions. Eleven days into January, there are those who have started their resolutions and are hoping to continue and those who have failed to begin and now feel that it’s too late to begin (it’s not, you’re just 11 days behind, out of 365).

See: Top 10 reasons we don’t stick to our resolutions.

New Year’s resolutions always create a mixed set of emotions in me. Lofty, vague and immeasurable are the reasons for the death of my resolutions, as I never know whether I’ve accomplished them or not (e.g. network more: Are there a certain number of new people I must know by the end of the year? Do they have to be friends? Do the few people that I’ve met at events count even though I’m not in touch with them anymore?) Yet, every 31 of December I find myself making a resolution.

The urge to make resolutions seems tied to the desire to set goals and the opportunity to restart. However, the process of making a resolution is even more beneficial as it forces a person to reflect on the past year and realize what s/he wants to work on and what is lacking in their lives at present.

See: Why we make New Year's resolutions? 

However, when looking at the resolutions that people make, it all seems to come down to self-control. “No more chocolate.” “Junk food limited to once a month.” “Shopping sprees once every two months.” “Socialize more and meet new people.” “Try new things.” “Blog more.”

Self-control: control or restraint of oneself or one's actions, feelings, etc.
© dictionary.com

All these resolutions encourage individuals to practice self-control – controlling eating and spending habits and controlling fears or laziness and time management.

At the core of self-control is self-awareness. One must be aware of him/herself in order to control him/herself. So if resolution-making isn’t your thing or if you’re giving up on your resolution already, at least give the reflection part a chance. Think about what you would like to modify about yourself if you were to make a resolution. This process in itself reveals much about what you think of yourself, your characteristics and more importantly areas that you’d like to improve.

Image © Jeff Epp via Flickr http://www.flickr.com/photos/eppstein/5724341693/

Resolutions on food = health and appearance
Resolutions on spend = money conscious
Resolutions on socialization = feelings of belonging; mental health; professional development

Check out the top 10 New Year’s resolutions here.

Forever 21 stands true to its name: Juvenile

Dear Forever 21,

 

I love your style but your online service gets me riled.

 

Xoxo,

A saddened customer

**BEWARE IF MAKING AN ONLINE PURCHASE ABOVE $60 CAD.**

Established in 1984 you’d expect Forever 21 to function like a legitimate company. While it’s in-store service is satisfactory, the online experience is a nightmare.

The company’s online section functions akin to a juvenile with the feel of a hoax.

Here’s the story:

Placed an order for 32 items for a total of $250. Received an order confirmation email. Notified that the items would be delivered in 5-10 business days. Tracked the order on day #4 when a friend stated that she received her $60 order. Status of order was ‘New’. Nothing changed on day #5. On day #7 I decided to check the status only to see that it was cancelled. Called customer service. Was tld that the order couldn’t not be verified even though they themselves couldn't see a problem and noted that the order had been confirmed. Stated that they tried to send a need-to-verify email but saw an error. Admitted that they did not try to resend the email nor find a different way to contact us. They cancelled the order. They offered free expedited shipping on the next order, apologized that the desired merchandise nor the promotion did not existed any longer. Supervisor, Joseph M. stated that he would, “make a note of the problem and forward it to the IT department”. I won’t be holding my breath.

Tip: Don’t wait patiently. Call them on day #2 whether or not you’ve heard from them.

After the call, things still didn’t feel right with me because customer service really didn’t fix anything. No compensation. No order retrieval. No credit note. Nothing.  Who cares for free expedited shipping when you’re already getting free standard shipping and willing to wait another five days for what you can only imagine will feel like Christmas in a box.

On researching if others had similar experiences with the company, I found that most people complaining had placed an order for merchandise totalling above $200. Check it out here and here.

Let me be clear that this store is actually one of my favourites so it’s not hard to order items and go past $100. (Being one of my favourite stores is what made this experience all the more irritating – because I really liked the merchandise that I was foolishly waiting for. They should really have a loyalty section). Furthermore customers on forums reported being asked to take pictures of their credit cards, fax copies of cards, etc. (see above links) Given my fair bit of experience in online shopping, asking someone to send over copies of cards to verify accounts does sound suspicious. There are other more legitimate and grown up ways to verify an account – call a person, secret banking questions, pins, actually sending an email and making sure that it goes through, etc. My current experience didn’t get to the ‘take a picture of your card and email it to us’ level but I agree that it sounds “sketchy” and would not be the way that a legitimate company should handle the verification process.

So lessons of the evening:

#1. If you like Forever 21 merchandise, make your purchases in-store

#2. If shopping online, keep your orders under $70 (and cross fingers for a smooth transaction)

#3. Find a Forever 21 replacement store, at least in the online realm (hardest lesson of the night :’( )

Going back to online shopping at Forever 21 is going to feel like returning to a boyfriend that has wronged me. A little extreme? Forgive me, I get attached to my clothing and shopping is my therapy.

DID YOU KNOW:

Forever 21 is family run business?

Forever 21 has a citation of a bible verse on the bottom of its bags?

Speed Dating: Who, Why & Wear

There’s music playing in the background. Twenty-five tiny tables are lined along the lounge. A place card sits on each table. Romantic lighting, of the candle-light-flicker variety, illuminates the supper club. A woman sits at each of the tables while the males are huddled by the bar. They seem more relaxed with a drink in hand compared to the women who sit nervously in solitude at their own tables. The bell rings and the men scatter to find the table with the place card to which they’ve been assigned. At once the music gets blocked out as twenty-five conversations fill the space, all among strangers who now have 2.59 minutes to earn a checkmark under YES.

 

Image courtesy of 49st. A speed dating event
squeezes in an additional line of tables
in the aisle and eliminates all dinnerware.

Who?

Upon returning from the event, the first question asked was “were there any normal people?” and “who goes to these things?” This got me thinking about what exactly was “normal” and who defined it?

 

Female attendees: Most women were 30 years old and above with five being under 27. The age brackets for the event were 25-35. Most were looking to meet someone. Some women mentioned that they were nervous about what to say in their three minutes and others were looking for something different to do on a Thursday night.

 

Male attendees: Many were in the IT field. Surprisingly, most were able to engage in a conversation. I had expected nervous and fidgety men, I guess. They weren’t creepy, except for Mr. I-Can’t-Make-Eye-Contact-Ever, Mr. SmirksALot who seemed to wink at everything and Mr. JobInterview.

 

I tried to ask out-of-the-ordinary questions and most of the conversations seemed like casual bar talk - without the spark but still friendly. (Too fast-paced to flirt? Too time-pressured to flirt? Not the environment for a love at first sight feel? All to be discussed in Matched... now what?) Most of the male attendees seemed evenly divided by first timers and repeat daters. The repeat daters admitted that they couldn’t do this every week because it was exhausting to meet so many people in a fast-paced environment. One patron said he didn’t “remember the first five girls and forgot to write anything down”. It was indeed an effort to remember the first few after the fourth or fifth person, causing my note-taking to become more frequent. People do tend to blur after a while.

 

All in all, the gender dynamic seemed to play in this manner: Men had the opportunity to talk to women whom they would have otherwise been too intimidated to talk to. Women conversed with men whom they might have previously never given the time of day.

Why?

Most of the men stated that they were there to meet people. Some used the euphemistic phrase of “meet new friends” and later stated that they were “looking to date” and “find someone”. Most of the guys mentioned that they wanted to date but said that they were open to meeting new people and “taking it from there”, to “see where it goes”. There was a lot of groupon love that night as almost everyone whom I met had used the groupon offer for a half off price.

 

Outside of speed dating and in conversations will male friends and acquaintances, when asked about their opinions on speed dating many felt that it would be a great place for men to hook up based on the assumption that the women attending are actually looking for male companionship. Of course not all men are looking to hook up and only in conversing with them after the match is made can you find out more about their intentions and the potential of the contact.

Interesting reasons:

“I just got out of a messy relationship where I broke it off with my fiancée.”

“I lost a bet with a friend and so she made me come to this speed dating event.”

“I’m trying to get out there again because your social circle shrinks when you get older.” (great point; future blog post on this ;)

“I’m here to support my friend who is trying to meet new people and get out there.”

“I’m trying to get out there and meet new people because I’m not going to meet someone while watching tv at home.”

Why did I go? To satisfy the curiosity of speed dating in each one of you reading this post right now.

 

Wear?
Most of these events try to inform you with ideas on what to wear. For example they tell you to dress like what you would wear on a date or maybe when out for cocktails with friends.

 

Well the men definitely dressed as if they were on a date. They were fairly well dressed, many in blazers or dress shirts and trousers.

 

The women were well dressed too, but definitely not as if on a date. I can’t help but feel that each one of the women that night would have been more dressed up if they were on a one-on-one personal date. They were in pants or jeans and blouses or knit cardigans, some in sweater dresses and stockings. This is understandable as women at a speed dating event who dress too provocatively may give off the wrong signal and garner too much attention for the wrong reasons. This would cause you to contemplate the reason as to why you have 25 matches – was it your conversation or cleavage? Women were dressed modestly, probably saving their flare for the real date.

 

What did I wear? Leather jacket, black and white sweater dress with boots and a statement necklace. Chic.

 

Next up in the series:

Do's and Don'ts of Speed Dating

Matched... now what?